My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I could make wine with my vomit
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Randomize
