you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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