I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
