what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
