I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
