Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
