Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
