Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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