I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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