he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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