Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
