I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
