he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
