Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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