I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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