lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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