Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
