Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
