Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
