Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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