He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
