At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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