Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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