I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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