By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
