I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
