I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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