I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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