Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
