I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
