Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you had me at cake vodka
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize