Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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