Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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