EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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