RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
