i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
