he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
