I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize