i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
