I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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