i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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