you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
