so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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