my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
