Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
