Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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