you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
