oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
