I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
