true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
handjob tips. give me some.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
