I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
