I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
