Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she smelled like a LAN party
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
