ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize