ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
