That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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