Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
