i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Small penises have feelings too.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
