mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
