Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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