fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My dad is sitting where you rode me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
