they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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