Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
