Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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