there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
