Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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