I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
