Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
