You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
