..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
