Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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