Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
